just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
