Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize