the condom got lost in my hair
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
