PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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