No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
