you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
