Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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