your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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