I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
