I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
