I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
