You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
