im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
