Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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