I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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