he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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