I'm gonna have a badass scar
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize