i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
