so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
