You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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