Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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