okay pat passed out under dana's car
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
