ADVERTISEMENT

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother

  Fav 2 1952 1478

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.

  (916): View more from California

  It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.

  Fav 28 1910 2600

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (561): View more from Florida

  Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

  Fav 12 6068 888

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.

  Fav 12 1682 4194

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.

  Fav 22 1500 2110

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers

  Fav 7 1985 1245

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (928): View more from Arizona

  I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

  Fav 9 3756 1221

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..

  Fav 2 1140 514

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.

  Fav 1 468 757

  share tweet
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  …If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car

  Fav 3 631 995

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.

  Fav 2 854 536

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.

  Fav 0 484 218

  share tweet
  

• (607): View more from New York

  I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"

  Fav 0 146 107

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.

  Fav 1 9 65

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.

  Fav 0 37 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize