Where did you get a picture of my penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
