i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
