Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
