They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
