I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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