It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize