Nicole vs. Life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
