Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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