yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
