Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
