i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
