And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
