so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
