So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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