And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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