I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
