no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
