Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
