I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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