8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
