i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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