she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
