Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
