atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
