Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
