No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize