so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
