420 ftw
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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