Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
