do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
