pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
