maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
