Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
