i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
