the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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