My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
