i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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