Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
