Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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