idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
