My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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