Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
