you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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