if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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