You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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